Thursday, December 31, 2015

My Funny Family 2015

Joya: Mom, when I'm 16 can I take a toy into church?
Me: When you're 16 you won't want to.
Joya: Why?
Me: Because 16 year old girls don't really play with toys anymore.
Joya: WHAT????
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Alaina: What's that?
Me: My shopping list.
Alaina: What are you gonna buy?
Me: Stuff.
Alaina: Wow.
‪#‎Saturdayconversations‬
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Joya: What does "peace" mean? Loud? ‪#‎wehaveworktodo‬
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I explained the song "It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To" to Alaina. Her response?
"Ugh. That's teenager stuff."
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Joya: When I grow up, I'm gonna be a mommy! And when Bria grows up, she's gonna be a mommy! And when Alaina grows up, she's going to be a firefighter! ‪#‎lifeplan‬
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Lee: Alaina, what do you think of your queso dog?
Alaina: It's good! If I had a thousand thumbs, I'd raise them all up! 
‪#‎glowingreview‬
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Remember that time we went out to eat, like one of the THREE times a year we take our girls to a restaurant, and Joya ordered the chicken strips, and then refused to eat them because she didn't know they were going to "taste that much like chicken"??? ‪#‎justsaynototakingkidsouttoeat‬
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Joya: Mom! When I grow up I'm going to be a ninja!
Me: Really? Okay, but ninjas don't wear pretty dresses.
Joya: Oh. Then I'm going to be a princess!
‪#‎fashiondictatescareerpath‬
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Joya: Mom, do you even know where you're going?
Me: Yes! I looked at the map before we left, and I know exactly where to go.
Joya: You looked at a map?? Like a PIRATE??
‪#‎nogpsforus‬
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Today's Life With Girls moment is brought to you by Joya:
"Mo-om! It hurt my feelings when she smiled at me!!" ‪#‎onlygirls‬

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Joya: Dad, I want to be a squirrel, but not a flying squirrel, because a flying squirrel is not appropriate.
Lee: What does "appropriate" mean?
Joya: I don't know!!!
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Joya: Mom, your belly feels like a pillow!
‪#‎great‬
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Right now, Lee is outside mowing the lawn. Then we'll eat dinner and go to Alaina's school concert tonight.
Alaina: MOM!! I don't want Dad to go to my concert smelling like THAT!!
‪#‎embarrassthefirstgrader‬

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Joya: Mom, when will you braid my hair?
Me: Your hair has to be long. We cut it short because you cry every time I comb it, remember?
Joya: Okay! That's it! No more haircuts for a WEEK!
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Out of the mouths of babes - A writer's life in a nutshell:
Alaina: I love writing! After I start writing for a few minutes, my mind just explodes with ideas! But if I don't write for too long, then I don't like writing anymore.
‪#‎truelife‬
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Me: Today is a Flush Your Kids Down The Toilet kind of day!!
Lee: Mmm-hmm!
Alaina: But not me, right? I have a force field!
‪#‎childoftrekkies‬
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I tried to give the girls some generic brand of Cinnamon Toast Crunch this morning without telling them.
Alaina: Mom! This cereal tastes like you left it in the car all day and all night!
‪#‎shewillnotbefooled‬
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Joya: Mom, how old are you?
Me: 32. I'll be 33 on my birthday.
Joya: Whoa! You've had a lot of birthdays! You've had birthdays for a hundred million years!
‪#‎33isthenewhundredmillion‬
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Joya: Mom, will you drive me to college?
Me: No! If you're old enough to go to college, you're old enough to get yourself there.
‪#‎toughlove‬
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Joya to Alaina: Let's be ninjas! I can be your monkey spy!
‪#‎youngersisterknowsherplace‬
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Me: Oh no! This is broken! Who bumped up against this?
Joya: Not me! I'm just sitting here learning about Jesus!
‪#‎perfectalibi‬
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Me: Bria, I'm so happy you're being good! Who knew you could be good? Not me!
Lee: Not me!
Bria: Not me!
‪#‎honesty‬
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This is my life: Lee and I stepped outside for a few moments to deal with my tomato plant. When I went to go back inside, I found that Bria had locked us out. Thankfully the window was open so I could call for Alaina to unlock the door. When she did, I came inside to find Bria running around with her diaper off, completely nekkid from the waist down. ‪#‎Lordhavemercy‬
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Joya: It smells like french fries!
Me: It does a little, doesn't it?
Joya: No it doesn't!!
‪#‎arguemuch‬
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Alaina: MOM!! We weren't fighting! Joya was just screaming and I was just getting angry!! ‪#‎mypointexactly‬
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Joya: Hey Mom? When I'm old enough to have kids, will you buy me a train set so they have something to play with while I'm cooking dinner? You know, so they won't talk to me? ‪#‎ideasofmotherhood‬
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Alaina: Mom, wouldn't it be cool if there was a store with a big play place on one side for kids, and a shopping place on the other side for parents?
Me: Yes, Alaina. That place is called IKEA.
Joya: Oooo! I want to go to IKEA for my birthday! 
‪#‎dreambig‬
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Joya: Mom, if someone gives me a cigarette for my birthday, I'll just throw it away.
(She's turning 5.)
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About ten minutes after putting the girls to bed, Lee had to go in there to tell them to be quiet. These are his exact words:
"Alright girls, no more math. We'll do math tomorrow."

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Tonight as I was pulling the last few things together so we could eat, Alaina came into the kitchen.
Alaina: Mom, is there anything I can help with?
Me: Yes! Could you please put forks on the table and get a bib for Bria? Wow, thanks for asking!
Alaina: Dad MADE me!
‪#‎honestyisthebestpolicy‬ ‪#‎stillcounts‬


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Joya: Dad, did you know there are TWO Lailas in my class?? It's so hard! I mix them up!

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Joya: Hey Alaina! Mom said last week that I might be the smartest kid in the world!
Alaina: Oh, that's not true.
Joya: Grrrr!! Yes it is!
Alaina: What's 12+5?
Joya: Well, I'm gonna learn that!


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Lee (to Alaina): Hey! Don't throw it that hard at your mother's face! If you are going to throw it at her face, you have to lob it like this.
‪#‎KimbleChristmas‬


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Joya's first pickup line: "Ooooh you're so strong!! How did you get to be so strong? Have you been exercising a lot?"
It should be noted, she used this on Uncle Josh. 😂😜‪#‎kimblechristmas‬


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Bria (with her mouth full): Can I have candy please?
Lee: You just had candy. You're eating it right now. It's in your mouth.
Bria: It's not candy! It's Skittles!
‪#‎toddlerlogic‬

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