Thursday, December 31, 2015

My Funny Family 2015

Joya: Mom, when I'm 16 can I take a toy into church?
Me: When you're 16 you won't want to.
Joya: Why?
Me: Because 16 year old girls don't really play with toys anymore.
Joya: WHAT????

Alaina: What's that?
Me: My shopping list.
Alaina: What are you gonna buy?
Me: Stuff.
Alaina: Wow.

Joya: What does "peace" mean? Loud? ‪#‎wehaveworktodo‬

I explained the song "It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To" to Alaina. Her response?
"Ugh. That's teenager stuff."

Joya: When I grow up, I'm gonna be a mommy! And when Bria grows up, she's gonna be a mommy! And when Alaina grows up, she's going to be a firefighter! ‪#‎lifeplan‬

Lee: Alaina, what do you think of your queso dog?
Alaina: It's good! If I had a thousand thumbs, I'd raise them all up! 

Remember that time we went out to eat, like one of the THREE times a year we take our girls to a restaurant, and Joya ordered the chicken strips, and then refused to eat them because she didn't know they were going to "taste that much like chicken"??? ‪#‎justsaynototakingkidsouttoeat‬

Joya: Mom! When I grow up I'm going to be a ninja!
Me: Really? Okay, but ninjas don't wear pretty dresses.
Joya: Oh. Then I'm going to be a princess!

Joya: Mom, do you even know where you're going?
Me: Yes! I looked at the map before we left, and I know exactly where to go.
Joya: You looked at a map?? Like a PIRATE??

Today's Life With Girls moment is brought to you by Joya:
"Mo-om! It hurt my feelings when she smiled at me!!" ‪#‎onlygirls‬


Joya: Dad, I want to be a squirrel, but not a flying squirrel, because a flying squirrel is not appropriate.
Lee: What does "appropriate" mean?
Joya: I don't know!!!

Joya: Mom, your belly feels like a pillow!

Right now, Lee is outside mowing the lawn. Then we'll eat dinner and go to Alaina's school concert tonight.
Alaina: MOM!! I don't want Dad to go to my concert smelling like THAT!!


Joya: Mom, when will you braid my hair?
Me: Your hair has to be long. We cut it short because you cry every time I comb it, remember?
Joya: Okay! That's it! No more haircuts for a WEEK!

Out of the mouths of babes - A writer's life in a nutshell:
Alaina: I love writing! After I start writing for a few minutes, my mind just explodes with ideas! But if I don't write for too long, then I don't like writing anymore.

Me: Today is a Flush Your Kids Down The Toilet kind of day!!
Lee: Mmm-hmm!
Alaina: But not me, right? I have a force field!

I tried to give the girls some generic brand of Cinnamon Toast Crunch this morning without telling them.
Alaina: Mom! This cereal tastes like you left it in the car all day and all night!

Joya: Mom, how old are you?
Me: 32. I'll be 33 on my birthday.
Joya: Whoa! You've had a lot of birthdays! You've had birthdays for a hundred million years!

Joya: Mom, will you drive me to college?
Me: No! If you're old enough to go to college, you're old enough to get yourself there.

Joya to Alaina: Let's be ninjas! I can be your monkey spy!

Me: Oh no! This is broken! Who bumped up against this?
Joya: Not me! I'm just sitting here learning about Jesus!

Me: Bria, I'm so happy you're being good! Who knew you could be good? Not me!
Lee: Not me!
Bria: Not me!

This is my life: Lee and I stepped outside for a few moments to deal with my tomato plant. When I went to go back inside, I found that Bria had locked us out. Thankfully the window was open so I could call for Alaina to unlock the door. When she did, I came inside to find Bria running around with her diaper off, completely nekkid from the waist down. ‪#‎Lordhavemercy‬

Joya: It smells like french fries!
Me: It does a little, doesn't it?
Joya: No it doesn't!!

Alaina: MOM!! We weren't fighting! Joya was just screaming and I was just getting angry!! ‪#‎mypointexactly‬

Joya: Hey Mom? When I'm old enough to have kids, will you buy me a train set so they have something to play with while I'm cooking dinner? You know, so they won't talk to me? ‪#‎ideasofmotherhood‬

Alaina: Mom, wouldn't it be cool if there was a store with a big play place on one side for kids, and a shopping place on the other side for parents?
Me: Yes, Alaina. That place is called IKEA.
Joya: Oooo! I want to go to IKEA for my birthday! 

Joya: Mom, if someone gives me a cigarette for my birthday, I'll just throw it away.
(She's turning 5.)

About ten minutes after putting the girls to bed, Lee had to go in there to tell them to be quiet. These are his exact words:
"Alright girls, no more math. We'll do math tomorrow."


Tonight as I was pulling the last few things together so we could eat, Alaina came into the kitchen.
Alaina: Mom, is there anything I can help with?
Me: Yes! Could you please put forks on the table and get a bib for Bria? Wow, thanks for asking!
Alaina: Dad MADE me!
‪#‎honestyisthebestpolicy‬ ‪#‎stillcounts‬


Joya: Dad, did you know there are TWO Lailas in my class?? It's so hard! I mix them up!


Joya: Hey Alaina! Mom said last week that I might be the smartest kid in the world!
Alaina: Oh, that's not true.
Joya: Grrrr!! Yes it is!
Alaina: What's 12+5?
Joya: Well, I'm gonna learn that!


Lee (to Alaina): Hey! Don't throw it that hard at your mother's face! If you are going to throw it at her face, you have to lob it like this.


Joya's first pickup line: "Ooooh you're so strong!! How did you get to be so strong? Have you been exercising a lot?"
It should be noted, she used this on Uncle Josh. 😂😜‪#‎kimblechristmas‬


Bria (with her mouth full): Can I have candy please?
Lee: You just had candy. You're eating it right now. It's in your mouth.
Bria: It's not candy! It's Skittles!

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